I had a really beautiful dream last night. It was a sad dream, but beautiful nonetheless. I ended up in a bathtub filled with my own tears.
I was working as a returning barista back at Starbucks. I always have dreams about working at jobs I’ve had in the past and I can’t remember how to do anything.
I remember a holiday banner covering the POS window where people should order, so I moved it to another area of the kiosk and it fit perfectly. I was praised by management and then my dream switched to something else.
Brian and I were driving west on Broadway towards downtown Tucson. It was complete chaos. Cars were speeding and almost flipping because of speedbumps that shouldn’t be there. I drove at a good pace avoiding anything that could be dangerous.
We came to a stop and started searching for a plant shop. We did not find one so we gave up on it. The next thing I remember is being inside a Food City and it was post Christmas.
A young child was with us. She could have been my niece, although I had never seen her before. There was, however, something familiar about her where she could have also been our child.
We shopped around, like young parents do, for deals and low prices, but we didn’t find anything. We wanted treats, I wanted Yu-Gi-Oh cards, and Brian found the young girl a yellow toothbrush.
I usually get angry when Brian steals things from the store, but I allowed the young child to keep the toothbrush and we walked out of there.
Next thing I know, Brian and I are driving alone in Tucson heading west towards the coast.
While driving it feels like there is some place I am responsible to attend, but I can’t seem to remember where that would be.
Brian has his head rested on my right shoulder. I am trying to drive safely but cuddling makes it a little difficult to navigate. I trust my instincts, however, and nothing bad happens.
While driving I forget, or decide, not to make a turn on the highway to take me back to Tucson.
The highway is elevated and surrounded by soft desert sand. There are no clouds in sight and the sky is blue and clear.
The sand is surrounded by ocean with waves reaching the same elevation as the lifted highway.
From inside the car we see people swimming, surfing and having a fabulous time; and we just follow the long road.
I keep looking for a U-turn that could take us back to Tucson, but it seems much further away than I remember. So we keep driving west, a little scared of the beautiful waves that could potentially turn dangerous.
Next thing I know I am all alone in a house inside a room and I’m inside a white bathtub. My clothes are off and it seems like I am in a music video.
My brown eyes have a blue hue, the kind you would see in animation when a character has been crying for a long time.
It’s a beautiful, solemn and tearful version of myself; and I am fully aware that the water is made entirely of my own tears.
The scene progresses with Marina’s song Hello Kitty playing in the background, but the lyrics are personalized to myself.
And before I wake up the entire song plays out with scenes of me caressing my body purely… looking at the camera… following the rhythm slowly… gazing at nothing with tearful eyes.
Josh Monsoon 